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Beaver Hateman
Junior Team Star

May 20, 2018, 4:37 PM

Posts: 58
Location: Badfort
Team(s): Brentford, Hertford Town

Views: 4388
Re: [Main Drain Man] Beaver Hateman message or Reply Privately

Six weeks after having my giblets slashed away at seems an appropriate time to post and express my thanks for the messages of support I have received. At the six week point after surgery loads of restrictions are lifted and a heart patient can begin to return to normal, reclaiming some of their previous life. Crossing this Rubicon has seen many limitations removed, not least the ban on driving. Being limited to shanks’s, lifts or public transport has been one of the most depressing aspects of my recovery.

One of the few positives in this situation was that it gave me the opportunity to carry out upgrades on the Hatemobile. Having the starting handle refurbished was one of my more inspired decisions. After a six week period of inactivity the old girl behaved impeccably, springing into life at the seventh crank. Whoever said the Standard 8 is just a poor man’s Morris Minor really needs to take a good, long look at themselves.

Messages of support have arrived in many forms, but I want to reply in public, to those who expressed their good wishes in a similar fashion. As such:

Agamemnon3: As you have said: never met you, but hope to one day. Get the feeling that you don’t live too far from Badfort. Glad that my thoughts amuse you. I hope to bring a little self deprecation to a hobby that can sometimes take itself too far seriously. The hospital was definitely a new tick. No programme, but I could get you a menu or appointment card should you wish?

Oxpete: Chuffed to receive approval from one of my favourite posters. I am an enthusiastic reader of your missives and your pub stuff is particularly informative. I hope that one day we are in the same victualler at the same time. Having said that I may have to be a bit more circumspect regarding ale consumption in the future. This means next season’s posts will have to relate the boring reality or resort to wild exaggeration. At the time of posting, the latter is very much the favourite.

It's a shame that you didn't particularly enjoy your recent visit to The Greenwood. I do tend to regard that establishment through nostalgia tinted glasses, so it's different for me. If it's any consolation the beer and service was that awful in the early 80s, too.

Buncranaboy: Do you know what, BB? Your post has got me thinking! I was never in this position before I took to girly drinks!! You could be onto something. I look forward to buying you a pint, and discussing this matter of great import at the earliest opportunity, preferably in a juniper free environment. We can investigate the curative properties of malt, and maybe write a paper or something. I reckon one day they will mention our names in the same breath as Curie, Babbage and Mandela etc.

Dave R: Thank you for your kind message. I understand that you recently met up with Dave 56. I hope you didn’t reveal the details of the Zipper Club’s secret handshake or he’ll be showing everyone, and any old riff raff could pass themselves off!

I have to say that my “zipper” is not the neat, straight line that the illustrations suggest, but is somewhat “rustic”, suggesting that the surgeon had a large Wetherspoons breakfast with “cold refreshments” before he set about me. Good man!!

On the downside, one avenue of generating income has been closed to me. The Badfort press publish a periodical for the Badfort thug-about-town: Play-Yob. Never again will I be asked to be their centrefold.

Ciderjon: Nailrod, you old sod! You always were the soft one. You may accept the Tyrant’s good wishes at face value, but has history taught you nothing? I have taken this opportunity of inactivity and enforced truce to purchase The Complete Uncle (£100, no dust jacket) to remind myself of his duplicitous nature!

Hostilities will be resumed at the earliest opportunity. Work on new obscenities to be directed at Wizard Blenkinsop is complete and I am at an advanced stage in the development of a crookball blight fungus.

Just out of interest, was there any overlap at Lost Clinkers, and did they issue a programme? Wouldn’t mind a copy if you’ve got a spare.

UKPunk: Not only kind comments, but wise words in general. It was you that kept me going when I frst started posting and wondered how my posts would be received. Not the first time I have reason to be grateful to you.

Kit Kat: We have PM’d and want to reiterate that you don’t get away that easy! Dave 56 speaks very highly of your knowledge of Edinburgh pubs. I will take advantage of this at the earliest opportunity, I am sure I remember you volunteering to be my carer for the day. Do they have motorised wheelchairs that far north? Hope so, or otherwise you’re gonna be bloody exhausted!

Special mentions must go to:

CND 67: A true gent who has offered to ferry me around, no matter how inconvenient. Went out of his way to pick me up and take me to Buntingford yesterday. It was awful, the git.

Dave 56: Has been in constant touch, and when I was just out of hospital did his best to see me back there by making me laugh, knowing that mirth was bloody painful. Glad to see that he hasn’t posted anything amusing since. I am sure this is only out of respect for me!

Go back a long way with Dave, and it was good to see him when we met in the Eastbrook. However, answering the question “How are you?” with the response: “Yeah, better than expected, thanks” seems to constitute going on about my operation. Be warned and don't tell him about your ingrowing toenail.

Main Drain Man: An overused expression, but Sigismund has been a rock. He came to visit me in hospital and has been in constant touch since. He was there for me in my time of need and the incident when he donned a spare a gown and tried to pass himself off as me to steal a shepherds pie from the hospital catering dept has been declared by the police as a misunderstanding. I for one am willing to accept the Met’s decision.

Such friendship deserves reciprocation, especially now that Siggi’s obsession with Val Doonican has returned with a vengeance, just when we all thought he was over it. Di is distraught.

He has been admitted to the Surbiton Infirmary for the Chronically Deluded, and as soon as he is released from the restraints I will be visiting him. Should you wish to send him a telegram, its ward 7A. Please try to avoid mentioning rocking chairs or cardigans, as it vitally is important that he is weaned off of them both before it's too late. And worse still, don't wish him luck with his VD problem!

On a serious note and without evangelising, I would urge anyone who is not sure of their health status to get themselves checked out. My story is not one of a heroic battle against a debilitating illness. I refused to accept the conclusions of experienced and highly qualified medical professionals all the way for the best part of 4 months.Eventually I had to succumb to their expertise. My resistance was fuelled by the fact that at no time did I experience anything that could be described as a symptom. The surgeon has told me that if this issue hadn’t been discovered a catastrophic cardiac arrest would have been inevitable. In that event, Main Drain Man would have had no doubt in regard of where to post about this issue. I’ve had a very lucky escape, get yourself seen to!

Once again, thanks all and see you all next season.

Everyone has the right to be in doubt, but this is not an obligation.

(This post was edited by Beaver Hateman on May 20, 2018, 5:17 PM)

Edit Log:
Post edited by Beaver Hateman (Junior Team Star) on May 20, 2018, 4:43 PM
Post edited by Beaver Hateman (Junior Team Star) on May 20, 2018, 4:45 PM
Post edited by Beaver Hateman (Junior Team Star) on May 20, 2018, 4:49 PM
Post edited by Beaver Hateman (Junior Team Star) on May 20, 2018, 5:11 PM
Post edited by Beaver Hateman (Junior Team Star) on May 20, 2018, 5:12 PM
Post edited by Beaver Hateman (Junior Team Star) on May 20, 2018, 5:16 PM
Post edited by Beaver Hateman (Junior Team Star) on May 20, 2018, 5:17 PM

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